You can leave your hat on


Apologies to Randy Newman, but it’s the Joe Cocker version I remember. Though neither of them have anything to do with today’s blog post. Because, today’s post is about my great fortune in health over time. Except for one issue, which now has my doctor advising me, “You can leave your hat on.”

Healthier than the average bear

I have been pretty lucky throughout my nearly six decades on earth. Except for a couple of common childhood ailments and a couple of tennis-related injuries, I’ve been medically sound.

No cavities, no chronic conditions, stable blood pressure, slightly elevated cholesterol and slightly elevated weight (darn those stubborn ten pounds). But, there was one area that I did get a little more attention. From my dermatologist.

There has only been one small skin area that required an actual cutting, but he just loves using that freezer can on my balding head. I mean, I don’t see anything going on up there, but he blasts me four or five times every time I see him. I suspect he is building a pool deck off the money he gets from freezing my skull.

This last time was nutso, though. Eight blasts. Eight! C’mon man! His only suggestion: wear hats all the time outside.

When he says all the time, he really means all the time. As in, the seven seconds it takes from my front door to the car. Because, “it all adds up”. Really?

Can I tell you how annoying it is to put on a hat for seven seconds and take it off again once I’m in the car? Or how awkward it is trying to find a place to put the hat when I’m out eating lunch with my family? Meh.

Hats not what I’m looking for

Hang on. A small digression about hats is in order.

I have a lot of hats. A lot. Over the course of my last job, we got many hats as promotional merchandise. From the company. From vendors. Even on the charity events. So, I’ve got a lot of hats.

But wait, there’s more! People would also buy me hats. As gifts. It’s sweet of them, but some of those were fitted caps. Now, fitted caps are the coolest. They are the most expensive. And, they the most useless if they don’t fit.

Also, sometimes I would get a visor bought for me. Um…balding head, people! Visor bad!

But, I have a lot of hats. More than enough to “leave your hat on.” End digression.

You can leave your hat on

So, now my vast array of hats (non-fitted and non-visor) are part of a rolling dress code. I try to stick with one hat at a time. Once I wear it out, I’ll move on to the next. More than likely, I’ll forget it somewhere before I wear it out.

All this, “you can leave your hat on” business lasts only until the next visit to my dermatologist. If he blasts me a half-dozen times again (looking for a new BBQ pit next to the pool deck?), then, well, all hats are off!

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