Who names this stuff?


I was driving to the beach the other day…well, that’s not entirely accurate…I was sitting in my car in traffic the other day and I was once again reminded that the world is run by mysterious people bent on confusing all of us.  Their ultimate goal may be nothing more than that, for in our confused state, will we ever ferret out who “They” are?

“They” are the ones who insist on creating contradictory labels on so many things we do and see in our lives.  “They” cannot be located so “They” cannot be questioned on the bizarre thought processes used in those decisions.

For example, I was sitting there, bobbing my head to tunes on the radio (when you’re stuck in traffic and not going to work, you find head bobbing is a much more agreeable way to spend the time).  As I watched the occasional opening of a car length or two be dangerously filled by non-signaling cars hoping to gain just that one spot further up, I realized how absurd “They” are (or how absurd their sense of humor must be).

How could anyone ever come up with the name “rush hour” for the period of time when almost all traffic is barely moving?  Is it a perverse joke?  Is it a mistake?  Is it part of a “hide in plain sight” type conspiracy to make us incapable of telling right from left (or in more anatomical sense, our ass from our elbow)?

I began to think about all the times people would seriously say to me they weren’t having fun at work.  Uh…really?  It’s.  Called.  Work.  Have you ever heard anyone say they were “funning for a living”? Don’t you think there was a reason popular music hits weren’t “Funning in a coal mine” or “Everybody’s funning for the weekend”?

Don’t give me that look.  I rest my case with pro sports athletes.  Ever watch them during a game, match or competition.  Do they look like they’re having fun?  I mean, they’re playing a game, for crying out loud!  So even when the work is fun, there’s no fun at work.  But people still hope or expect that…of course, since they’ve have been conditioned by all those confusing signals, made worse in the political correct world.

Why would anyone go to a “wellness” center?  If I’m well, I’m not going within miles of a doctor’s office.  Shouldn’t it be called an illness center?  Granted, it’s not the type of name that would encourage customers, but it’s accurate.  Or maybe “They” didn’t want it called that.  All part of the plan to fill our heads with more contradictory confusion.

I see signs that “They” do let go, from time to time.  Perhaps it’s boredom, perhaps it’s that “They” feel their work is done, but occasionally you can find the examples.  Those tri-light signals now known as traffic lights used to be called “stop lights”.  That was an insidious use of their naming power, since everyone knows that two-thirds of the lights meant “go” (Green meant “go” and Yellow meant “Hurry up, the light’s gonna change!”).

I certainly hope this trend continues to grow.  These constant contradictory references are starting to drive me crazy.  As if that’s not confusing enough, I understand they don’t send insane people to insanatariums.

Who names this stuff?

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