In all likelihood, “that” has always been the answer.
No, you’re not coming in on the middle of a conversation. Or, perhaps, in some ways, you are. It’s a long-running debate I’ve been having and even you blog readers have only been introduced to it relatively recently.
Just before the year began, I was batting around the idea of dating. The why’s and wherefore’s are contained in this post, so we don’t need to rehash it here. All you need to take away from that long post is that I decided to give Match a whirl.
Initially, I wasn’t even going to pay for a membership. I was just going to throw up a crazy profile and see if anyone was even remotely interested. Then, my overactive guilt complex kicked in and I thought that it would be exceedingly rude not to answer anyone if they did actually contact me.
So, because of the accounting side of my bifurcated mind, I signed up for three months. I should have expected the results, given the sheer size of the user base of Match, but I was still surprised by the amount of women showing “interest”.
I put the word in quotes because, if their profiles are to be believed, I didn’t see how their desired match seemed to…er…match my accurately and honestly listed qualities.
Was I to assume they were intrigued by my profile and willing to accept other than their stated preferences or should I more cynically presume that there was a lot of disappointment out there in virtual land and they were willing to try anything.
Eventually, I opted for none of the above. I found that a combination of my own shyness/reluctance/lack of confidence and the antiseptic aspect of online “dating” kept me from actively engaging with anyone (except one woman with whom we both immediately agreed to do nothing other than be pen pals).
The subscription ended at the beginning of April and I left what I considered a humorous goodbye message in my profile and said that any woman who was still interested could always pop by my website and contact me through there. And that was that.
Or so I thought.
Within a couple of days of leaving, I received an email from a woman who wanted to meet. She was quite creative in her emails and I was piqued and felt also a gentlemanly responsibility to anyone who would actually reach out to me on my “home turf”.
We had a nice rendezvous at a Starbucks. She was bright, funny and shared many of my views about the world and people. She was certainly more well-balanced than me and socially more capable, but she was quite tolerant of my social inadequacies. In short, she was a good companion.
And I’ll likely never see her again.
Because, what I found out in that pleasant diversion is the answer that has long eluded me (though I had my suspicions): I am poultry.
Now, I am famous for poking fun at myself and I have great humility based on my aforementioned self-confidence issues. I like to pretend no woman would be crazy or confused enough to want to be with me.
But, to be fair, I have had women interested in me through the years. Most of the time, I don’t know because I am oblivious and some friend or co-worker has informed me later. In some circumstances, I don’t know and some woman has informed me directly. And in two case, I didn’t know until the women kissed me. Even I can figure it out after that.
In all cases, however, I gaze at my duly earned Colonel Sanders badge and retreat. Apparently, my fear of companionship is far more galvanizing than my fear of solitude.
It’s a curious thing to find that the real source of my being unmatchable is my fear of finding a match.
For the curious, I post the “goodbye” match profile below. It was an attempt at humor and bald honesty rolled into one. As with most things, it’s all a matter of taste.
The beard’s back, but I’m gone.
I’m suspending my Match subscription, possibly permanently, as I realize I just don’t appear to be committed enough to making that leap into a shared life.
Part of that has to do with the fact that this site has befuddled me more than “live” dating. The “interests” and other contacts I’ve received make me think that you were amused by my profile writing, though not necessarily me. At least, based on your stated profile preferences.
And that’s okay. I’m glad my writing entertained you. If it brought a smile, so much the better.
The bottom line is I can’t imagine me being in a “serious” relationship. I can’t imagine me having to be serious at all! I’m probably more of a (much) less-talented Gene Wilder looking for his Gilda Radner.
One thing I have noted, with some dismay, is the surprising amount of well-balanced, capable and interesting women on this site. I expected to find more people like me…off-kilter or oddballs.
I’m not dismayed by the volume of you (daunted, sure, but not dismayed), I’m dismayed so many obviously desirable women aren’t finding really good guys like me (with more confident personalities, of course).
Ah well, if you’re really interested, you can always pop by my website, where my goofiness is on display every weekday (blog), with occasional (but not too often, thank goodness) glimpses of my serious side. I can always be contacted there. The address is buried somewhere in this profile!
For the rest, of course, I wish you great success in finding that person that values your opinions as strongly as their own, opens your eyes to views different from your own and wants to build with you a life you both own.
Thanks for reading. Weirdness follows, so beware!
The “Who am I section”:
– In my 30 years of being single, I’ve had one romance (relatively recently). It ended in a way that you have hopefully never had to experience.
– Because of the above, I’m terribly uncertain and hesitant in moving beyond casual friendship with a woman.
– I don’t smoke, dance or drink, so not only will I be a bore at nightclubs but I’ll have no ability to gallantly order the correct alcoholic beverage for you.
– I’m seriously averse to cold and keep a sweater next to the refrigerator (only slight exaggeration).
– I’m a neatnik, in that I like things put away (dishes out of the sink, clothes in baskets) but I despise cleaning with all my heart.
– I prefer to be fully transparent and honest…about everything.
– Although I’m a world-class talker, I’m a practiced and patient listener.
– I enjoy creativity and being creative. I like to draw, have written three books and run a website (jeffreymdaniels.com) where I blog on most weekdays about stuff.
– I like being in the kitchen cooking (but not the clean-up!) and host two big parties a year where I try to trot out new experiments I can test on friends and family.
– I believe we live in a world filled with natural beauty and wonder that far outshines any man-made creation and is a source of constant enjoyment for me.
– I also believe that enjoyment is redoubled when shared.
– I think that people are all basically good, want to do good and too often underestimate themselves and what they mean to those around them.
– I’ve managed to create a modest and secure life, emotionally and financially, with wealth measured as much in a safe retirement as in the leisurely comfort of simply living within my skin.
One last note. Many friends and family members say I would be a good catch. I’m not sure that’s true, but I’m willing to see if someone can help me decide.
I’m looking for someone who can laugh at the most ordinary things and see something amazing in the most mundane.
I’m not saying those two things describe me, but it can’t hurt if I start off with a low bar!