Tough noogies, it’s Mallomar season


mallomar seasonAmidst all the preparation and decorating for Halloween, it’s also time for my not-so-coincidental batch of doctor visits.

With a two and a half month hole punched out of the year from my Great North American Baseball Road Trip, it became necessary to bundle all those appointments close together.

I am blessed with great fortune and great stubbornness. Because of this, I rarely take medicine. Up until recently, I’ve not had the need, despite my cholesterol teetering on the edge of potential prescription time.

Of course, the two and a half months of the trip were two and a half months I couldn’t spend on the regular exercise that would be so advantageous to keeping that cholesterol number below the pill line.

This year, the doctor and I also addressed a harmless but annoying problem of mine (no, not my personality…you guys are such a riot). The issue required me to go to my first fluoroscopy. If I had known what that entailed, I would have said, “Nah, I’ll put up with the problem.”

In any case, now I sit and wait for all the test results. While I’m expecting little solution from the fluoroscopy (bleah!), I am interested to see just where my cholesterol levels lie. It’s really the only issue I have (my blood pressure is 122/84, though I wonder what it would have been on that winding mountain road in Wyoming during my GNABRT) and the only one on which the doctor gives me advice.

And then I’ll stubbornly refuse to listen.

I’ve done my bit for god and country (or in this case, doctor and nurse). There’s no longer any soda in the house. No brick cheese. No Borden’s Dutch Chocolate Milk (sob). I’m eating more fruits and veggies. I walk miles and miles daily.

But I refuse to give up my Sundays.

Sundays are my bad days. As in, “eat bad”. It’s cake or cookies or pastries or whatever and a nice cold glass of milk in the morning while reading the paper. Hey, look, Doc, at least it’s only 2% milk!

Two days out from my checkup and blood tests and what do I see in Wal-Mart? Yup, that bright yellow box with the round cookie, sliced in the middle. I can’t believe I’ve been so brow-beaten that my hand even paused before throwing it in the cart. Mallomars, baby! That trumps LDL any day!

You know what? Fine, give me the frigging pill if you need to, but I am not giving up my bad Sundays!

(Did I mention that Publix has all frozen Sara Lee desserts 50% off this week? Can you say cheesecake? Yeah, one slice = 43% of your cholesterol. Heh.)

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