The absolutely very last post on the Tree of Doom


No, you are not seeing things. You do not need to adjust your screens. I am seeing the same thing you are, so cancel that visit to the optometrist. To paraphrase the bald kid from the Matrix: “There is no tree.” This prompts me to make the absolutely very last post on the Tree of Doom.

It’s Independence Day, so I will be joining a good portion of America in eating lots of food later, but there’s just enough time to post a tribute to my freedom from the tyranny of my Tree of Doom.

Since this is the absolutely very last post on the Tree of Doom, let’s all hop in the Wayback machine and travel through the various blog posts of yore. A sort of fond farewell in words and pictures…

I’ve been in my house for 22 years now. It’s been a good house for me. Just the right amount of space for all my stuff. A nice patio for a barbecue and some furniture. Mostly quiet.

In fact, my only real issues with the home have been about trees. First, there was the one dropping big black “fruits” on my driveway and car. That was solved over 15 years ago. Though, it was a battle.

Recently, of course, there has been the “Tree of Doom”. A big black olive tree hanging (literally) over my house in the back. It has negatively affected my quality of life in many ways.

Sweeping changes

The leaves from this tree do triple duty. They blow off the tree in the back onto the roof, which is attached to my neighbor’s roof. These leaves then punish me in multiple ways.

It always felt this way

First, the leaves blow constantly onto my patio (see post to the right). No amount of sweeping can keep up with them.

Next, they naturally clog up the roof drain. Bunching up to both prevent the water from draining down the pipe and causing it to spray all over the place from the top.

Finally, I recently found out that large batches of leaves were trapping water on the roof. With nowhere else to go, the water eventually found its way down – into my attic. Sigh.

The root problem

One day, it could have been…

Another issue related with the tree being planted too close to my home were the destructive roots.

This was a tale told over many years. The most immediately noticeable problem was what the roots were doing to my patio (as detailed in this link from the past). That problem was eventually resolved.

Interestingly, I later found out another deadly curse of the roots – they were interfering with my cable and (later) phone lines, as communicated to me by both Comcast and AT&T.

That problem was not immediately resolved.

Stormy weather

Florida. The Sunshine State. Except, of course, when hurricanes blow through.

Danger Will Robinson!

Such was our good fortune that we’ve been spared direct hits for many years. Still, in the two hurricanes that actually did brush our area, both times they caused significant damage to my roof because of the Tree of Doom.

In the last one, Irma, you got a wonderful view of the damage in words and pictures. See for yourself if you need a reminder.

That led me to my crusade to once and for all rid myself of the tree.

Selling my soul

Resolved to do whatever it takes to get that tree gone, I began my master plan.

First up, sending letters to the property management company. Nice letters that get progressively less nice. You can see the tale detailed to the right.

The battle was real

Next, I attend board meetings. Make my case known, loud and unignorable. This seemed to go well until the board pulled their master stroke.

“Why don’t you join the board so we can be even better at responding to these issues.”

I hemmed. And hawed. But, alas, I did not wiggle out. Thus ends my life as a peaceful, stress free retiree. The politics started immediately. Sigh.

But, I have read too many superhero comics to back out now. With great power comes…ah, you get the picture.

However, if nothing else, I can now look outside my back patio and see just grass and a stump. I’m waiting for the stump grinding crew.

Then, there will be nothing.  So, this is the absolutely very last post on the Tree of Doom.

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