With no apologies to the Harry Nilsson song from my youth (which I quite enjoyed singing to), I have a problem. It’s a problem of surprise and dismay. And maybe, just maybe, it could be solved if they had put the lemon in the coconut.
First, let me say that I am not averse to coconut. I’m not passionate about it, but I’ve got some fan followings.
In my youth, before the dreaded blight, we had real coconut trees in our neighborhood. Most of the time they fell on their own. Some brave souls shimmied the trees. That was not me.
The process was simple:
– Step one: poke a hole in the coconut and insert a straw. Super-sweet coconut milk was now available.
– Step two: hurl the coconut onto the sidewalk, hopefully shattering it. Alternate methods included hammers and other blunt objects. Now, super-sweet coconut “meat” was available.
Also from my youth. Originally home-made by Mom and then, in later years, store-bought. I liked ’em. Not as much as Oreo’s or Mallomars, but still tasty.
Being a nutty guy, I always sided more towards Almond Joy, but I love dark chocolate, too, so Mounds worked.
A latter day offering in many local restaurants, they often came with a spicy dipping sauce. I’m a sucker for a combo spicy/sweet taste.
But that’s about it. Most everything else, the coconut is too powerful for me.
Now, just a couple of months ago, I was purchasing one of humanity’s most helpful creations – liquid hand soap!
Hygienic, easy to use and no mess in the bathrooms. Edison move over!
I went to my go-to location, Wal-Mart, for my regular refill container. I scrupulously avoid all the scented soaps (lavender – really?; ocean breeze – not!; fresh – uh uh.) and picked up the clear bottle. No scent, just soap.
A few days later, I was wondering why my guest bathroom had a smell like vanilla. Or something.
Since I had just started with new house cleaners, I just thought it was from them. Until one day, I smelled the scent on my hands.
Humph. I couldn’t quite place the smell. It wasn’t really vanilla. It was too sweet. What could it be?
It didn’t take me long to determine it was my soap. I was then dismayed to find that the clear soap was actually coconut scented. I mean, c’mon! Why is it clear, then? Shouldn’t it be milky-white?
Of course, my next visit to Wal-Mart I picked up a container of the unscented soap…in a purple container. Are you kidding me? What the duh?
Anyway, now I’m waiting for the soap dispenser to empty. Blame my Grandparents. Those children of the Great Depression ingrained in me not to waste things.
When it does, I’ll be left with a mostly unused container of coconut hand soap (as I will use unscented for future refills).
Upon further thought, I don’t think anything would cut this smell down. Not even if they had put the lemon in the coconut.