No spring fling from my spring cleaning


Okay. Let’s just get this over and done with so we can all get back to our lives. I don’t need to write any more on the topic. And you sure don’t want to read any more on the topic. So, I’ll just run through quickly why there will be no spring fling from my spring cleaning.

First, let’s lay down some basics. You should know these, presuming you’ve been reading along all these years:

– I’m as far from a ladies’ man as it comes

– I date like I’m a Vulcan (once every seven years, for you non-Trekkers)

– I second date like Halley’s Comet

– Since retiring, the above items are likely even worse now

Have I got a lady for you!

So, when I got “the call”, related to my cleaning ladies finding me a “nice Brazilian lady” (as detailed to the right), I naturally went through my usual whirlwind of thoughts. They go something like this:

– Man, I don’t wanna do this

– Oh, what’s the big deal

– Maybe I’ll have fun

– Fat chance. I wonder if I can cancel

– Fine. I’ll go.

And go I did. The current weather is nice again in South Florida. We took seats on an open patio. Breezy, but nice.

Conversation was light enough, with occasional dips into seriousness. The food was delightful (a small Greek place; I had lamb chops, she chose two appetizers). The night proceeded without mishap and no apparent gaffes on my part.

I chose to walk her back to her car. The parking lot was full and she had been forced to park some distance away. I may not be Casanova, but I am a gentleman.

I cautioned her that it’s possible, once I returned to my cave, I might not come out again. She was very kind, offering up as platonic opportunities as she could to reduce my reluctance.

The next day, I thanked her and apologized for wasting her time. Unspoken, but implied, was that the safety of my cave overmatched my social bravery.

Here’s the deal, as I see it:

I’m really comfortable being alone. After all these years, I like what I like. No compromises, no disagreements. Easy.

So, I don’t really want to go out and find new friends. I’m sure she would have been fine for dinner or movies or even tennis. But my cave is even more fine.

If, by some rarer than Halley’s chance, I meet a woman who sparks me in a way that my social anxiety is made worth the risk, then I will strive as hard as I can for that mythical second date. If not, home comfort awaits.

Because, while I’m most often alone, I’m almost never lonely. And that is why there will be no spring fling from my spring cleaning ladies.

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