Next time, Jeff, write a memo


I went out to do my pre-Halloween cleaning of the landscaping, when I had a thought. That’s when I should have stopped. Nothing good ever comes from thinking. Because of that thought, I can now paraphrase the terrific Hunt for Red October and say, “Next time, Jeff, write a memo.”

(Editor’s note: because my blog is G-rated, I dropped the appropriate, but PG-rated, emphasis in the original line)

It’s always something to do with Halloween

So, I’m out there trimming my Jatropha tree and pruning the bromeliads, when the deadly thought arises. Why not just get rid of these darn bromeliads entirely.

Understand, these things overgrow the existing landscaping. Also, because many bromeliads are air plants, they just end up growing in different parts of the yard. And the neighbor’s yard. And…

So, I start pulling up the little bromeliads. If you’ve never worked on bromeliad plants before, I cannot easily describe the madness that ensues. Let me just say that these plants are very “family oriented”.

But, I manage to pull up half of my front landscaping. I am staring at a near Close Encounters of the Third Kind pile of plants and soil on my driveway and shaking. Exertion, humidity and hydration are my foes.

Beware the wrath of nature

Six 33-gallon bags later, I turn and view the Bromeliads of Death. No way am I going to tackle those.

What are these plants that would make even Thanos quake in fear? These bromeliads (see pic), have long, hard leaves with sharp serrated edges. I mean sharp. As in, they can cut through jeans.

The whole front landscaping was crafted decades ago for me. The phrase “If I knew then..” comes to mind.

Finally, a bright idea

Suddenly, I have a brainstorm (brainstorms are much more helpful than thoughts, by the way). I flag down one of the landscaping crew that works the community. I ask him if I can pay them or if they can recommend someone who can get rid of the rest of my landscaping.

He tells me that they do such a thing, but I need to talk to his boss. Eventually, I track him down and he informs me I need to submit a work order through the management company. Hmm, good thing I’m on the board, now. Hopefully, I will get some benefit for the pain I’ve suffered in my sentence…er…term in office.

Next time, Jeff, write a memo

Now, I simply wait for the work order to go through. Too bad the ol’ noggin wasn’t working well enough to come up with that idea the first time.

Honestly, now I’m thinking about removing everything in the front landscaping, including the Jatropha tree. It’s a pretty tree that attracts butterflies and lets squirrels jump off my roof.

But, it also attracts ants and spiders and those critters too often end up visiting me in my home. I think cutting out the landscaping may cut down those intrusions. We’ll see.

No matter what, I learned a lesson again about “doing it all myself”. Next time, Jeff, write a memo.

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