Miss Communication

Another month has already passed and Miss Communication is back…and confounded.

She has a tough time figuring out why so many of her examples come from the legal profession, when she knows she taught her students better language skills.

In fairness to the lawyers, blame in today’s installment is pretty evenly shared by the witnesses.  Read these actual transcripts from real trials for yourself.

 

Q:  What is your brother-in-law’s name?

A:  Borofkin.

Q:  What’s his first name?

A:  I can’t remember.

Q:  He’s been your brother-in-law for years and you can’t remember his first name?

A:  No.  I tell you I’m too excited.  (Rising from the witness stand and pointing to Mr. Borofkin) Nathan, for God’s sake, tell them your first name!

 

 

Q:  Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

A:  By death.

Q:  And by whose death was it terminated?

 

 

Q:  Do you know how far you are pregnant right now?

A:  I will be three months November 8th.

Q:  Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?

A:  Yes.

Q:  What were you and your husband doing at that time?

 

 

Q:  Mrs. Smith, do you believe you are emotionally unstable?

A:  I should be.

Q:  How many times have you committed suicide?

A:  Four times.

 

 

Q:  What happened then?

A:  He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”

Q:  Did he kill you?

A:  No.

 

 

A:  She is my daughter.

Q:  Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?

 

 

Q:  Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?

 

 

Q:  …and what did he do then?

A:  He came home, and next morning he was dead.

Q:  So, when he woke up the next morning he was dead?

 

 

Q:  Could you see him from where you were standing?

A:  I could see his head.

Q:  And where was his head?

A:  Just above his shoulders.

 

 

Q:  …any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?

A:  The victim lived.

 

 

Q:  Are you sexually active?

A:  No, I just lie there.

 

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