We’ve all heard of Murphy’s Law (which swiftly expanded to Murphy’s Laws). With my birthday BBQ only a week away, I thought it appropriate to share with you some of my own “laws” I’ve learned in my two big BBQ’s I throw each year (my birthday and Halloween). Read on…
(Note for newbies, I live in South Florida)
- It will be sunny and exceptionally hot and sweaty for the week preceding the BBQ (during which I am cleaning and setting up the patio).
- And the corollary, it will begin raining precisely 12 minutes AFTER I have dragged the BBQ out into the (uncovered) back yard.
- I will only need a paper towel if the roll is more than an arm’s length away.
- I will only need oven mitts at the BBQ when I have left them in the kitchen.
- Anything I am cooking in the oven or on the stove will be ready when I need to turn something on the grill.
- No guest will arrive on time unless I am not ready yet.
- Except for any time I am ready for guests, they will all arrive even later.
- There will always be one can of sterno (used to keep food warm) that will not light.
- The long-neck lighter will always go missing just before I want to light the sterno cans.
- No matter how many times I point out the chest of ice, guests will always walk through the house to get ice from the refrigerator.
- Whatever food I buy the most of will be the least requested that particular BBQ.
- The amount of half-filled cups around the house and patio will be equal to 1.5 times the amount of actual people.
- The amount of new stains on my (white) carpet will be equal to 10 percent of the amount of actual people.
- The amount of time I spend with my guests in inversely related to how much they enjoy themselves.
And the most concrete law of all…
- For the 24 hours after the BBQ ends, I will swear that these things are too much work to ever do again (This will be my 14th consecutive year).