I should have been a bug


Little did I know when I penned the amorous adventures of Jeremy with the Queen Ant that I would one day be the subject of life imitating art.

I’ve always been on good terms with insects. We get along well. Ants, dragonflies, even spiders. Mosquitoes positively adore me.

And now, it seems I have a new paramour from the flying insectoid genus: bees.

Times past, these small, buzzing creatures have made their presence known (though, thankfully, not felt) over the course of my walks. Usually, they are brief encounters, the equivalent of a bug one-night stand, I suppose.

There was that one time I was followed for a good half-mile by a particularly frisky little bee, but I thought we had broken that off and it was behind me.

So, imagine my consternation, when a new bee (or, at least I assume it was new; they all look alike to me…does that make me a bug racist?) started tagging along on my journey.

It danced around my hat, then my earphones, then bopped across my glasses once or twice. This kept up for a good five or ten minutes.

I tried not to swat. First, I don’t dislike bees, I only dislike them pestering me on my walks. Second, I didn’t want to annoy it. Hell hath no fury like a bee scorned. Or something.

Quickening my pace fared no better. This was a strong bee, possibly one in advanced cardio or marathon training (I mean, think of those strides measured in insect distance).

Eventually, the bee must have realized it was a doomed romance and left, hopefully to find solace for its broken heart with something that had more than two legs.

Having now experienced this all too frequently, I spent some time on the internet researching why bees might be so attracted to me (aside from my admittedly vast personal charm).

There were suggestions about flowered shirts (no), bright colors (no), perfume (no) and pheromones (please, no). One article actually stated they were attracted to black, so I’ve retired my black ball cap and am now using a white one on my walks.

We’ll see if the mere change in cap color can overcome my immense animal magnetism. I certainly hope so. A couple of days after blogging about being unmatchable, it seems I would have no shortage of candidates if I were a bug!

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