Doctors make me sick

sickUgh.

I’m still recovering from the two physically worst days of my life.  Thanks to my doctor.

Okay, maybe not entirely his fault, but he was the one that prescribed stuff for my colonoscopy prep and then performed the actual procedure which led to an even worse response than the prep.

I’m not going to get super gross, but what follows is some narly-type stuff, so be warned.

I mentioned the prep in the last blog post and what do you know, it was even worse than I feared.  There was less to drink of this “new formula”, but I’m betting that was just because it was more concentrated.  Suffice to say, I didn’t make it very far.

My fallback position was some “gentle stomach” Dulcolax.  It said take 1-3 pills, so I took 3 to ensure I got myself to where I didn’t need to have to do the test over.  I had used this stuff the last time (5 years ago) and it worked like a charm.

Sure enough, like clockwork, six hours later it took effect.  This time was different.  Beyond the abdominal/intestinal cramps (duh), I broke out sweating.  You know the expression “cold sweat”?  This was like “cold downpour”.  Water was literally pouring off of my whole body.  Nothing like that happened the last time.  I was in pain below and faint up top.  I honestly thought I might have to call 911.

Okay, drama eventually passed (and I was over 2 pounds lighter, so take that, “new formula”).  Fully recovered (though pretty darn hungry), I headed out to the procedure.

You have to have someone drive you and pick you up because they put you under and you’re in no condition to be in traffic (or stand, really) afterwards.

They did something new this time, sticking an oxygen hose in my nose (I never had one of those before…very odd) just before I went under.  Then I woke.  Sort of.

I was shaking.  Seriously shaking.  I thought it was from the cold, but I would find out later that would have been a dream.  My throat was on fire…I was unable to swallow.  Later on, I wondered if they had stuck a tube in my throat (no reason to, but I’ve never felt my throat as raw as that, ever).

I could barely move, but after a couple more minutes of terrible shivering I asked the nurse to help me dress so I could get into the sun (remember, I thought it was from cold).  My buddy had arrived and helped me struggle to the car.

My stomach was cramping and in pain, but we still tried to stop at the local deli.  I asked for some matzo ball soup but couldn’t even take two little plastic spoons’ worth (beyond swallowing pain, my stomach wasn’t interested…even after 36 hours without food).

My buddy dropped me off at my home and I shooed him away despite his offer to watch over me a bit.  Probably just as well as 30 minutes later I spent several minutes (literally, there’s a clock in the bathroom) over the bathroom sink.  Since there was no food in my stomach (remember, 36 hours?), I can only assume what the mess was.

I tried to lay down but I kept choking from my throat.  I could barely swallow a sip of water and I had once again begun shivering uncontrollably.  Fun!

Eventually, I turned off the A/C, letting the house get into the 80’s, put on a long sleeve shirt and pj bottoms and curled into my recliner (which allowed me to keep myself somewhat upright, relieving the choking reaction).

I took a wash cloth and dampened it with cold water and placed it over my throat for some relief.  After a while, I tried an ice pop I had in the freezer and that gave me some short-term relief.  I knew I needed food, but I couldn’t get myself to swallow.

I heated up the soup I had brought home and sipped a little broth.  I tried various liquids on my throat and, counter-intuitively, found that Coke worked best (I can’t figure that out, but maybe it was the sugar).

By about 10 pm (almost 12 hours since my return) I was able to finish off the soup.  At about 4 am, I finally got some sleep.

So, today, I still sound like James Earl Jones, but I managed to get through a whole lunch with my Dad and Stepmom.  Probably, by Sunday I will be back up to snuff.

I presume the last part of my misadventure was due to an allergic reaction to the anesthesia.  I don’t take medicines because, well, I don’t usually get sick (not counting headaches, though I do avoid pills for that, too).  That likely makes me extra-sensitive to any medication and certainly powerful stuff like anesthetics.  Oh well, I’ll get the name from the doctor and add it to me “allergy” list (presuming it wasn’t dosage related).

All this to get a screening that has previously (and likely again) proven negative.  So, I was made to be terribly sick for two days for basically no reason.  And they want me to take flu shots?  Yeah.

If it wasn’t for doctors, I might never get sick!

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